Just Goodbye
by smile1
Summary: Literati. One Parter! 'The flames of the half burnt candles threw an eerie glow over Rory's face.' Her mind is full with memories. Memories of him. Lit up again by the familiar poem she now holds in her hands. He's waiting for one last touch.....


Disclaimer: I don't own the series Gilmore Girls or the original characters. All I own is my imagination and the plot.

A/N: Well, I think the story kinda speaks for itself, so I'll let you read it first, before I give you the reason for writing it. I hope you guys will appreciate it, even the ending, and don't forget to read the A/N at the bottom. :-)

Bye, smile :-)

-x-x-x-

The flames of the half burnt candles threw an eerie glow over Rory's face. One that flickered every time the wind brushed passed the flames, dimming them almost completely for a second or two. The remains of red and white rose petals lay scattered across the wooden bridge. The red seeming black underneath the moonless sky. Although most of the petals had already strayed and were now floating in the water, which reflected the starlit empyrean above her.

The scene, that had been carefully created, had looked flawless only an hour ago, but now there was something tragic and forgotten about it. Like the petals had come from a vase of roses which had been thrown against a wall in a moment of anger or frustration. Or as if the dripping wax of the candles was there to remind her of every tear she had shed. Tears that were glazing her eyes again on this night. A night which reminded her so much of another one. One just as sad. One that had signaled the beginning of her struggle with loneliness. 

Rory lowered her eyes to the piece of paper in her hand, which held familiar words in even a more familiar order. The words reminded her of that night. It reminded her of him and the loss she had gone through. Knowing all of this she hadn't managed to even get through the first line yet. The words were too heavy with memories and she knew that the short poem would end in tears. It always did. That was why she had hid it away in the darkest corner of her mind for so long. She had hidden it away so well that she had almost forgotten it. But now that she was confronted with it once more, she realized that she had only pretended to forget it, for the words were too familiar to her to ever forget. They easily slid off the tip of her tongue. Almost as effortlessly as they had been written down by his hand.

-x-Flashback-x-

The spot Rory was heading for had quickly become one of her favorite ones in Stars Hollow. A spot she had walked passed a variety of times without really noticing. A spot she had discovered, because he had opened up her eyes to the beauty of it. Beauty which he would describe to her in the form of lines he had read in books, something she found amazing, because she had never met someone who could recite lines like that. It was also beautiful, because of the large weeping willows that hid it from the rest of the town. They would be able to just sit and be alone, together. Most of the time they would sit in silence and read, although it depended on Jess's mood. Sometimes he didn't bring a book at all and they ended up talking about books.

Although it was not always about books. Sometimes they would drift off to movies and when they got really sidetracked Jess would ask Rory about herself. Her past, her dreams, everything. And she answered every question without feeling threatened about the privacy he was violating. She answered because of the curious gleam his eyes held every time, like he was genuinly interested and he actually wanted to get to know her. Like she wanted to get to know him and she desperately tried to get deeper underneath his skin, but he never seemed to crack. He always artfully dodged the questions and if he answered, he would always do it cryptically. 

Eventually she had given up, although the desire of unravling his many mysteries always remained. She didn't comprehend why he felt the need to shut her out, when she had practically shared everything with him. All her secrets, all of her hopes, everything. But yet he always managed to pry a little deeper and come across something new. Just like she did about him, except her discoveries lay upon the surface. While he asked her all those questions, she would observe him, study every single one of his features. The crooked curve of his lips, the flow of his jaw and the almost unnoticable birthmark just underneath his ear. She believed that she now, at least, knew a part of him. 

When Rory passed the first weeping willow, a gentle smile grazed her lips and a safe feeling placed its weight upon her heart. The cold wind around her, which pulled harsly at the veil of protection, wasn't there in her eyes. She seemed in a daze when she started to head towards the middle of the bridge, while she anticipated what was to come. But she was roughly pulled out of her daze when she saw a piece of paper rustle in the wind, trying to escape from the stone it was caught under. Rory swiftly took the last few steps and settled herself on the bridge, before lifting the stone to grab the piece of paper and neatly placing it back on the same spot where she just found it.

Her eyes curiously scanned the lines the first time, although during the second time her eyes were lazily creeping from word to word. 

-x-

My emotions are reflected in the mirrors of your eyes, 

Which see the sadness of my heart as it achs at each of our goodbyes

So, sooth me with a kiss

For it tastes as candy does to a little child

And, look at me one last time

For it will get me through the night

Until we meet again

For this is not farewell, but just goodbye

-x-

Halfway through her third time, footsteps carefully made there way onto the bridge, causing the boards underneath to creak, which for some reason send a shuddersome ripple down Rory's spine. She felt him coming closer and closer, until he finally stopped, only inches away from her. She glanced at the last line of the poem. The line which had caused for the most hurtful emotions and most fearsome thoughts. 

''You're leaving,'' she stated, without looking up.

Jess nodded, which she somehow sensed, because suddenly her eyes were looking up at him. ''When?''

''Tonight,'' he answered, knowing that lying to her about that, so she would have to hear from someone else about his sudden departure, would hurt her even more.

Rory lowered her eyes in one swift movement. She was immediately confronted with those cruel words again. Cruel, because for once they reflected his true feelings. Feelings that, right now, tasted bitter, simply because she didn't understand. She lifted her head and met his eyes again, hers now glazed with tears. 

''Why?''

Jess averted his eyes, so he wouldn't have to look at hers, because they would be able to change his mind. And force him to stay, even though he wasn't happy here.

''I wanna get out of Stars Hollow. I wanna get away from all these watching eyes, away from all those judgements.''

''Away from me,'' Rory finished for him in a faint whisper, while lowering her eyes. A faint whisper, which let the both of them know how close she really was to the edge, to breaking. And this thought scared her. It scared her that she had grown to depend on him. And it scared her that she was this weak.

Jess lowered himself down to her level, so they were now facing each other eye to eye, making the conversation more personal. He reached for her face, but when she turned it, away from his touch, he decided against it and lowered his hand. He looked at her, wasting a few precious seconds of the time he had left, before speaking again.

''You are what made me stay this long. I need more freedom. No rules that I can break.''

''Where are you going?'' Rory murmured.

''New York.''

Rory tilted her head slightly to the right, before looking up and meeting Jess's eyes, which pierced directly into hers. He saw the various emotions that lay in the depths of her eyes. Emotions that she would eventually let out in the form of tears. 

''Are you that unhappy here?'' Rory asked, her voice barely audible, because she didn't want to believe that. Of course, Jess had never been as happy as her to live in a town as small as Stars Hollow, but she never thought that he would actually be unhappy. Unhappy to live in a place she loved. That only showed how different they really were.

Jess let his eyes wander to the dried tears on her cheek, as he hesitated with his answer. Finally he nodded, ignoring the pleading look that had taken over her expression. 

Rory nodded and opened her mouth to ask another question, but was refrained from doing so by Jess, as he stopped her by forcing his lips against hers. It was a desperate attempt to get her to understand. To get her to accept it. To make her realize that this was indeed reality. And by the way she was reacting it seemed to be working. His near departure seemed to be sinking in, as her kiss became more demanding and she reached for his shirt to pull him even closer. 

She balled the fabric in both of her fists, while roughly pulling him towards her. Her sudden movements caused him to lose his balance and lean his entire weight against her, making her lean backwards. A moan escaped Jess's lips when he realized that she was slowly forcing him to straddle her. But before she could tempt him to do so, he broke their kiss, leaving Rory unsatisfied, although after this night the taste of dissatisfaction would always remain. 

''Rory,'' Jess said, his breath ragged while he tried to catch it. ''You're making it so hard for me.''

''Hard,'' Rory said, choking on her own breath, which was full of sadness. ''Don't you think this is hard for me too? I mean, you're leaving, because you're unhappy here, which means that you have been unhappy all this time. And you didn't tell me,'' she finished, while the first of many tears slid down her cheek.

Jess reached for her face once more, wanting to wipe away the silver path the tear had created. ''But you were happy, and I didn't want to ruin that.'' 

Rory smiled through her tears when she heard his sincere words. Words that made his leaving harder, but easier to swallow at the same time. 

Jess erased the wetness from her cheek, before sliding his hand towards her ear and tucking a strand of hair behind it. ''I have to go.''

Rory's bottom lip trembled as she nodded, trying to understand. ''Goodbye, Jess.''

Jess held her gaze for a few seconds, before he got up and started to head in the opposite direction. Rory lowered her head back down to the poem he had left for her, not wanting to witness him walking away from her. She looked at the last line once more, wondering how much of truth it held. Was this really just goodbye.....

-x-End of Flashback-x-

Rory crumpled up the piece of paper in her hand, wishing she could do the same with the memories, because every single one of them still hurt. And although she understood why he had left, she hadn't forgotten. She thought she did, but when he came back to town a couple of days ago, her walls had started to give underneath the weight of all of the memories and emotions that came with them.

At first the story was that Jess had come back for the remain of his books and clothes, but the actual story had come from her mom, who in her turn, heard it from Luke. Apparently Jess had had a steady relationship for the last two years and he and his girlfriend were now moving in together. Jess had found someone else to care for. He loved someone else. 

Rory threw the crumpled ball of paper into the water and crossed her arms. Before he came to town and did all of this, he had been nothing but a faint memory, too distant to waste any more tears over. But now, he had been lit up to a vivid image again which was attached to too many memories to remember. 

She looked at the piece of paper, which consisted of a poem he had written just for her. A beautiful gesture. A thoughtful gesture. One she hadn't thought about when she threw it into the water. She watched with guilt as the water soaked the poem's words letter by letter. Soon it would be entirely ruined, because she had acted before actually thinking her actions through. Something that reminded her of Jess. 

Finally she got up, having come to a conclusion. She carefully blew out all of the candles, before glancing once more at the ruined poem and heading back towards town. She had heard from Luke that Jess would leave somewhere tonight and maybe if she was lucky she would be able to catch him. She needed to see him, after knowing that he had taken the time to re-write that poem and lit all those candles. She had to know if he hadn't forgotten about her.

She slowly headed over to the bus stop, cautiously taking each step. She knew that he had come by bus, because he didn't have a car. Not in New York anyway. He lived in an apartment which looked out on one of the busiest street and he didn't want to be stuck in traffic every day. Another story which had been passed on to her by her mother, who had again heard it from Luke. It was sad how much of a distance had created itself between them. 

Rory saw him sitting on the same bench she used to sit on every day while she would wait for her bus. His head was lowered, although surprisingly there wasn't a book in his hands. Instead he just seemed to be staring at his feet, his slightly longer locks of hair shading her figure from the corner of his eyes. She quietly approached him and stopped about a feet in front of him, not wanting to give herself away just yet. Not before she had said something. 

''Why do all that when you don't love me anymore?''

Jess's head shot up, ready to search for the spot the voice had come from, but of course he didn't have to. Not when Rory was standing directly in front of him, looking almost like she did on a night similiar to this one. Dressed in a pair of plain jeans and a white tank top, she was the perfect image of a small town girl. But they both knew that she was so much more. 

''Rory.........''

''Why go through all that trouble?'' Rory asked, interrupting him. She held his gaze and waited for him to say something. When he didn't, she just nodded and continued. ''Just to remind me of how things used to be, of the night you left...........to remind me of how you have started a new life without even glancing back at your old one?''

Jess lowered his gaze briefly, before locking eyes with her again. ''I thought about you. Every hour in the beginning. And it hurt to leave you.''

''Then why?'' Rory calmly asked.

Jess sighed and ran a hand through his hair, before getting up from the comfortable position he had been in. ''Because I couldn't offer you everything. I couldn't offer you your dreams or expectations. Amy......... she's........'' Jess let out another frustrated sigh. ''Don't you see that I'm only in love with her?'' he asked, while pleading with his eyes for her to believe him. ''I settled for less.''

''Why?'' Rory asked in a soft whisper. 

''Cause you're out of my reach,'' Jess confessed.

''I'm right here,'' she said, hating herself for sounding so hopeless and breakable. 

Jess instantly moved towards her when he heard the sadness, which was already leaking out through her eyes. He wrapped both of his hands around her waist and pulled her towards him, letting her bury her face against his chest while she cried. Jess started to rub small circles on her lower back, hoping to sooth her and stop her heartbreaking cries. Cries he had caused, which made him feel even worse. 

''I left because you deserve the best. And......I'm not...... I mean, we fought so much. Weren't you tired of us fighting?'' Jess felt Rory's breathing slow down, which meant that she wasn't crying so much anymore. He tightened his grip and kissed her hair. ''I'm sorry.''

Not knowing what else to say, he just held her. He held her until his bus pulled up, forcing him to face the actual situation. He was going off to New York. He was leaving her, again. Rory heard the bus too and slowly retreated from Jess's familiar embrace. Her tears had partially dried, although her red eyes were more than enough evidence. 

''That's my bus,'' Jess said, stating the obvious. 

Rory nodded. ''Yeah, you should go.''

Jess held her gaze for another few seconds, before getting his bags and heading over to the bus. On his way there he passed her and whispered a goodbye, before getting into the bus and leaving her behind, once more. 

''Farewell, Jess,'' she whispered, having the poem in mind, as she watched the bus drive off and disappear from her sight.

-x-x-x-

REVIEW! Please? :-) So, I know the ending was probably not really satisfactory, but for me it it, cause I wrote this on a day where frustration was kinda overshadowing my cheerfulness, so there's your reason. I just wanted to let some of my frustration out. And it helped, so that's what counts. Thanks for reading and don't hesitate to tell me your honest opinion. Thanks! :-)

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